For I Am

Warning : May not be very reader friendly. But then again, my stuff never has been.

As usual, I've took a hiatus from posting. This was one of those times when nothing goes your way. In short, you get screwed by life.College messed me up, had a conflict with mom and dad, friends suspected me, Badminton Racquet got smashed, Ipod crashed, Phone got confiscated by college , My gym membership was stopped by mom and dad .My head started asking questions it had no business asking " Why am I doing CSE Engineering?", "Why engineering", "Is it too late to swap?"  etc. I realised how arrogant I sounded in my writing. Truckloads of shit happened. As usual, reading Vivekananda, Swami, and my cousin kept me sane.

These were things I defined myself by. When all these were gone, I realised, that I still am. That I am more than a combination of my interests and relationships. I am more . I just am.

The point is, with these things happening posting was the last thought on my head. And my writing tool happens to be my Mobile phone. With that gone, I feel like a cripple. I had 10 pieces written in it. Damn.

Anyway, things are starting to look up now.Almost all issues I had with people around me are resolved.Gonna get a mobile today. Finally.Did pretty well in recent quizzes. And looking forward to a lot more.

Have a lot of books piled up on my shelf.

1) Dr Zhivago

2) Catcher in the Rye

3) Parthiban's Dream

4) Sophie's world.

5) The Prize

6)A spot of bother

7) The Journey of a master 

Aand so many more. Too lazy to type. Movies too.

Anyway I almost normal now. I guess I'll start posting more frequently. My cousin, a sound engineer cum composer, has recorded a few of my poems .Will put them up soon.

"Life goes on.I'll sleep when I die.Bring it on."

FRIENDSHIP

Disclaimer:this is utterly copied and pasted from the blog "THE INFINITY" which i seriously recommend .so here it is :
background information :
the author of the blog is finishing his final year and is about to write his last set of exams.this is his tribute to his friend.

TILL WE MEET AGAIN:

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

-- Gilda Radner

A day to go before I start off with my finally final exams of the final year...

and then, (in all probability) I'll be an engineer.

[OMG! what rhyme man...]

It's been four long years... and yet, when i look back, feels like just, yesterday. For the umpteenth time on my blog, and probably the last, I reiterate - "I hate my college." I hate the place, I hate the climate and I hate most if not all the people, I met (or not). In short, I hate everything that is there to be hated and everything that there isn't.

But, this isn't about hate you know... This is about thanking people who made this journey - an experience of a life time. People whom I grew up with (at least I'd like to believe that) people who taught me so much in so little a time that I have problem storing the treasure (And that doesn't really include the teachers... Most (I say most and not all) of them were nothing but pretentious jokers who came nowhere close to being fit for the noble profession. And above all, it's about Friends.

Now, you keep getting on terms of good friends, better friends and best friends with your friends, but all the same, they remain friends.

People, whom you could tell something at some point of time that you didn't feel like telling anyone else in the world. Faces that came to your mind first, when things gave the slightest hint of going awry. The certain someone you could share a drink or two with and still be at ease. Someone you could make fun of and rest assured you didn't have to ask if it was going overboard. The blackmailer, you could share your dreams and fantasies and of course crushes with. That certain someone you wouldn't wait for a second to call up before you broke news about the latest in your life. The names you looked for, first up, when signing into chat. And yes, someone you could count on to get you through your exams, when the day arrived, by hook, or by crook.

A few of my friends tell me I write long, too long. Their curse! I'm not getting more words to fill up this post with...

So I'd do probably what's the best thing to do in such circumstances... leave you with a song and some memories. I heard some people in my college say that the official college farewell documentary didn't make them cry. Ridiculous! Go watch the numerous other things that can make you cry, sweet memories are things to be cherished and smiled upon, if you think otherwise... go get a life!

On a parting note,

A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.

Good Bye, Good Luck and errr... Good Riddance!

Listening to: Are We The Waiting, American Idiot, Greenday


Dedicated to: Friends and Friendship, yeah! Just that...

THE RAT AND THE BUG

ive always thought poems are built on emotions.ive seen ones on love,friendship,trust,sadness,etc.all serious emotions ;nothing to tickle your funny bone.i had a thought: why not write a funny poem.so here goes.

my god ,you must see her
the lady with nicknames galore
any name suits her just fine
irritating her to the core



tell her this and she blows steam
13 year old kiddo, cat with cream

call her a bug
and she wont reply
ive never bothered
to ask her why

call her a bug
and she pucks up her nose
the yelling gathers steam
what a tantrum she throws!

i call her a buggy now
yet,no reaction ,not a response

i say:
"ive added an extra y
aso now you gotta reply"

she retorts:
"damn you for this and damn you for that
you irritating little rat!"

"so i get a name now?"
sarcasm oozing in my tone.

"yeah you do
and suits you too"

and so we stand now
a rat and a bug
the argument resolved
and problem solved!"

A LE TTER TO MY FRIEND

i know you for long enough to cut the formality bullshit and to get on with what i want to tell you.
this i i have to tell you.it is too complicated a thing to explain in person and there a good chance that ill forget half of what i want to convey and get totally engrossed in pulling your leg.so i resort to what i do best :writing.what better than a letter to convey what i want to ?so here goes.

most of the time people cant find the company they want,the company that can sense who you really are and give you the motivation and the room to grow;friends who know you even when you dont know yourself.that is not given for most of us.
so we settle for the next best thing : a group of people whom you think you can adapt to or suitably hide yourself to suit their attitude.the human desire for company overwhelms the need to be yourself.that is the scenario which many of us find ourselves in.there are two kinds of people in this
1 you always hide under a shell and finally forget who you really are .when you show your own attitude by accident, you are mocked at or made fun of.you get shy of what you really are .you begin to think that what the group does is the way to be.you actively try to imitate them and end up being dissatisfied because that is not what you really are.a dialogue goes like this in oceans 13,"the moment you become ashamed of who you really are you lose yourself".this is what happens when you try to fit in.

2 the really determined person will hang out with a group he does not fit in with,fully knowing that it is because only because he has no choice.so he /she never tries to fit in beyond a point and just becomes silent when he disagrees with something.he\she thinks that he\she is unaffected by the attitude of others and that in essence he\she remains the same as ever.but the fact is, however much you try not to ,you change according to the company you keep.this happens at a sub conscious level.you slowly change while you still believe yourself to be the same.the change continues without you realising it happening.revelation dawns on you only when you end up doing something u never imagined yourself to be capable of doing.you feel totally bitter about yourself. you think back and feel you have screwed up badly.all that you ever expected of yourself is is ash.the events of the past flash across the minds eye.the only difference is, this time, you can see cleary how ,bit by little bit,you changed at each step.your mouth fills up with bile and you feel like slapping your face hard;only that it would not help in the least.bitterness courses through your veins.you want to go back and change things but your conscience taunts you saying you cant.that is the worst feeling in the world;that you have screwed yourself without even knowing it .
from what i know about you you seem to be in the second category.george clooney 's father gave him only one piece of advice"son,whatever you do,dont wake up one morning at 60 years and ask "what have i done with my life?" '

this is a long letter, i know.but if it make you take a look at what is inside you,what is the real you and how much it is blurred by the people around you ,then the effort is worth it .just remember that you can never undo what you have done.people may forget it but you never can.and no bloody amount of repenting would help ease the hatred of yourself which would engulf you.think . use your brain atleast once .
you know whom