A Reader's Apology

Books have been my window to the world. They have helped me learn a language well,taught me about places,customs,cultures and peoples. More importantly,they shaped my ideals and convictions. What follows is my ode to some books that have profoundly influenced me.In no particular order.

Fountainhead, which taught me that the highest morality is to live by your convictions and sacrificing that is compromising your integrity.

"Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision."

"I could die for you but dont ask me to live for you" 

Catcher in the Rye for the portrayal of a frustrated individual. For showing me Salinger .

To kill a Mockingbird for reminding me of the simple pleasures of life. For telling me why we must stand by our convictions. As Atticus puts it " I must live with myself before I live with others".

1984 which painted a stark picture of what governments could mutate into if we are not vigilant enough.About how freedom is worth more than anything else. For painting a harrowing dystopia.

A brave New World which portays an utopia where there is no suffering, no guilt and where you live a life which you were literally created to do.It made me think if its worth compromising passion,emotions and freedom for pleasure and security. 

Dreams from my father for its honesty. For giving me an insight into the issue of racism and for making me ponder on the issues of origin and identity.

Lolita for the beauty of prose. For shwoing that a man cant help his sexual preferences and for showing how manipulative the "victim", at times, could be. it taught me to look at everything without prejudice.

O Jerusalem for teaching me empathy. Showing me how the will of a few men can shape a nation. 

Freedom at Midnight.for telling me more about my country, showing the Mahatma in his glory.  Making me love my country even more.

Selections from the Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda for the sheer inspiration it has provided me every time I turn to it . Showing the greatness of our land and the grand ideals which were conceived by our forefathers. For showing me that being spiritual does not mean compromising on logic or blindly adhering to tradition. Showing me to what lofty heights man's mind can soar. For Showing me The Man Himself. Of everything I have read so far, none can match this for sheer impact.

"Strength is life, weakness is death. Strength is felicity, life eternal, immortal. Weakness is constant strain and misery; weakness is death."

Lord of the Rings for the sheer wonder. If a man could conjure a whole world including peoples,histories and languages, there is no end to human creativity. 

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time for presenting a haroowing descent into madness and illustrating how simple it is to being the descent. Madness is just another way of thinking.

Neti Neti for the ethereal writing style. For the title. For portraying emptiness .

The Hannibal series for showing me that contradictions exist everywhere. That what we call madness is just another way of thinking. For the horror, intrigue and beauty(Yes Hannibal Rising).

The Harry Potter series for the countless hours of joy. For the magic in Rowling's prose. For all the madness, obsession and fun. For the 20 re reads of The Order of the Phoenix.

Sons of Fortune for being the first proper novel I read. For being unputdownable. Not a penny More Not a Penny Less for delight. Jeffery Archer for making me become even more interested in reading.

Jurrasic Park series for redefining edge the seat thriller. Never has a book scared me more. Michael Chrichton for kindling interest in technology. 

The Godfather for being a classic. For Vito Corleone. For the Mob. For Puzo. For " Ill make him an offer he cant refuse".

Shalmar the Clown for the magic. For the beauty of Prose. For the beautiful portrayal of Kashmir. Enchantress of Florence for the magic again. Rushdie never ceases to amaze. 

And more,many more, many many more.

Im pretty sure I have missed out a lot of books. And Im also sure that this post is long enough not to miss them :D 

What are we really after?

The three meal eater with no appetite
The child who starving twice each day

The agnostic pretending to believe
The bloody, ignorant fanatic

The uncaring indifferent sweetheart
The introvert forced to socialise

The teetotaller who yearns to get high
The alcoholic thinking it will work out

The fitness freak hoping to prolong life
The mystic who hopes for afterlife

The nine-to-fiver in it for the dough
The coding freak, computer addict

The family man desperate for a divorce
The woman who stays on for the kids

The kid who wants to grow up
The midlifer who yearns to be young again

Contradictions, pretensions, delusions
What are we really after?
What makes a content life?

Why are blogs Dying?

What happened to good old blogging? Why are blogs dying?

Remember the time when we used to get excited every time we post something? Of checking our blogger dashboard to see if the blogs we follow have something new ? The simple joy on seeing a well written comment from a random blogger was so much that we would happily pay a return visit. Random blog surfing used to be very engaging.

Nowadays, I open my blogger account once in a blue moon to post new stuff and to remind myself that I blog for my own sake. During those rare visits, I force myself to have a look at the blog updates. I find that highly popular blogs update every other day whereas the little blogs, the ones I used to take so much pleasure in reading, are mostly dead.

Why bother with a blog when you can put a note on Facebook right? It automatically appears on the home page of hundreds of "friends". Moreover you can tag the people you know will like this note. Guaranteed eyeballs.

Its easier from the readers point of view as well. All he /she has to do is to click once to show he/she "likes" your writing. It eliminates the need to come up with sensible comments and feedback. Many even like notes with no clue of whats actually meant.

Is that all there is to writing? Posting on your wall, allowing the same people to read and getting "likes"? Where is the pleasure of dicovering new writers and new blogs? Where is the joy of mkaing your blog look exactly the way you want it to? What about the intrigue of not knowing who the person actually is , but getting to know them through his/her writing? Have we lost something?


This is what I feel . Do tell me you feel about this.Lets discuss.

Suicidal Tendencies?

Warning: Not reader friendly.

You’ve decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine—but before you kill yourself consider these facts: Suicide is not usually successful. You think you know a guaranteed way? Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But, both his arms are gone. What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent , with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he’s brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It’s a hard way to go. What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his “foolproof” suicide. You might too. But…Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job- -but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you’ve drowned? Your father? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? The carefully worded “loving” suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They’ll feel regret and an unending pain. Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now. You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.They will tell you that there’s hope. Maybe you’ll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you’re seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.You say you don’t want to be stopped? Still want to do it?Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later.And we’ll work with whatever you have left.

Of Intentions and Gifting

To get above it all
To where money reduces to mere numbers
And it is not monetary value
Or desire for approval
Or fear of ridicule
But the intention that counts
When you gift and recieve

Maya Swirling

Many have always thought, no believed, that gender does not influence who you are. You are more than that. You are a person. At the most basic level, a person tends to make sense of himself, to define himself by external means.Your gender, the way you look, your family and place in society, language, politics, the people around you, what they believe in, your role models, what others see you as and so on. You get stuck in cliches and stereotypes, thinking that to be bound within these crude frames is integrity, honesty to your ideals. You wilfully cage yourself in this mesh .Incongruities are ignored for the inconvinence they cause to your notion of yourself. Your actions are based on and motivated by external sources and not by what you think or what you want.And thus stepping on what you think is soild ground you find yourself sinking into a quagmire. Contradictions become so prevalent that you stop thinking about all this, bundling it into a single sentence" Philosophy. Who needs it? ".Thus does the temptress work. Taunting ,luring, seducing,enmeshing you in her web of deceit. Her sting numbs your soul.You become just another person out there,a cogs spinning endlessly.




You does not mean you literally*

Not light reading i know*

Wilde

When I Googled Oscar Wilde by some random impulse, I found this:

"Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!"

And this:

"All trials are trials for one's life, just as all sentences are sentences of death; and three times have I been tried. The first time I left the box to be arrested, the second time to be led back to the house of detention, the third time to pass into a prison for two years. Society, as we have constituted it, will have no place for me, has none to offer; but Nature, whose sweet rains fall on unjust and just alike, will have clefts in the rocks where I may hide, and secret valleys in whose silence I may weep undisturbed. She will hang the night with stars so that I may walk abroad in the darkness without stumbling, and send the wind over my footprints so that none may track me to my hurt: she will cleanse me in great waters, and with bitter herbs make me whole."--"De Profundis"

........no words for it.

Earth Hour Poem

Many gaze at the oceans
Admire lush forests
The majesty of tigers
And the glory of nature

They lament
The sad plight of dolphins
The massacre of whales
The destruction of coral reefs

Many wax eloquent
On the folly of Man
On his indifference
On his passive cruelty

Hold on! stop.

Are you not Man too?
Does not this responsibility
Lie equally on your shoulders?

Is it not time that we stopped vain chatter
And the lament of widows?

Stand up. Be a Man.
And being such
Take what comes with it.

We don’t need hollow voices
Enough has been said already
True work lies in the doing

Start with the Man in the Mirror
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and make a change.

I wrote this for the poetry slam at Atmos today for earth hour. Couldn't make it there. Thanks to Madhu and her cousin Ram for getting it read!

For I Am

Warning : May not be very reader friendly. But then again, my stuff never has been.

As usual, I've took a hiatus from posting. This was one of those times when nothing goes your way. In short, you get screwed by life.College messed me up, had a conflict with mom and dad, friends suspected me, Badminton Racquet got smashed, Ipod crashed, Phone got confiscated by college , My gym membership was stopped by mom and dad .My head started asking questions it had no business asking " Why am I doing CSE Engineering?", "Why engineering", "Is it too late to swap?"  etc. I realised how arrogant I sounded in my writing. Truckloads of shit happened. As usual, reading Vivekananda, Swami, and my cousin kept me sane.

These were things I defined myself by. When all these were gone, I realised, that I still am. That I am more than a combination of my interests and relationships. I am more . I just am.

The point is, with these things happening posting was the last thought on my head. And my writing tool happens to be my Mobile phone. With that gone, I feel like a cripple. I had 10 pieces written in it. Damn.

Anyway, things are starting to look up now.Almost all issues I had with people around me are resolved.Gonna get a mobile today. Finally.Did pretty well in recent quizzes. And looking forward to a lot more.

Have a lot of books piled up on my shelf.

1) Dr Zhivago

2) Catcher in the Rye

3) Parthiban's Dream

4) Sophie's world.

5) The Prize

6)A spot of bother

7) The Journey of a master 

Aand so many more. Too lazy to type. Movies too.

Anyway I almost normal now. I guess I'll start posting more frequently. My cousin, a sound engineer cum composer, has recorded a few of my poems .Will put them up soon.

"Life goes on.I'll sleep when I die.Bring it on."

Carpe Diem

Laugh all you want. I am gonna take a resolution. One resolution. No, its not "Im gonna be good to mommy this year" or "Im gonna work out this year". Its something much simpler, something more.Two words. Latin. You know it .Carpe Diem. Yeah CARPE DIEM BABY!

A sudden connection over facebook, a sudden high, a new zeal for life. Poetry to usher in the year.

Carpe Diem

Inching closer to a new beginning,
A new dawn,
Feel the change
Palpable in the air.

High hopes,aims, dreams and aspirations,
Of promises kept and words broken,
Success and yet failure too

Every moment,every breath drawn
Carpe Diem pounding true.

Carpe Diem.Latin
"seize the day"
Take it by the throat
Capture it
Make it yours

Squeeze what what you can
Demand and get what you want
Go for it!

Yes CARPE DIEM!
For the whole damn year!
No matter who, what, when or why.

Life king size
For what you hold true
Life the way life
One given to few

You exist for yourself
You are your own proof
You are the witness to you life
The judge,jury and Holder of the Scale

Go sqeeze and suck each day
Wear out your shoes
Tread new paths
Do something, anything
Be true to you.

Yes.I mean it. Anyone sees me backing out on it, kick me in the butt and remind me.

A Perfect Day

Wake up after a rare nine hour nap. Go to Avatar with friends. Hog at That's Y Food. Sleep for an hour. Play Shuttle. Go to Laughathon watch a good skit in proper English. Read Dorian Gray's last pages.Music on my Ipod. Off to sleep.

My day today :D Lovin it.

Waking at 4 A M, during Brahma Muhurta; bathing in freezing cold water; getting dreesed up in traditional attire- Veshti Mel Veshti et all; wearing the Sricharamam- line of red between lines of white, according to my Sampradaya; doing morning prayers and Sandyavandana, listening to suprabhatham, seeing throngs of people in Veshti and Madisar(saree) and unapologetic about it; paying respects to Acharya; walking to the temple, and having darshan in the august presence of the acharya;

Experienced this all atTirupathi .Now I can see how life would have been ,had I been born a few generations ago.And believe me,it its not that bad after all.

All that he ever could be,he was

What if  a person can be all that he/she ever wants to?What if all your dreams can be intertwined to be the one driving force of your existence?What if these would define who you are,be your  epitaph when you pass away,and linger on as your legacy?This what I'm thinking of right now.

I want to work for India,but I am not the kind of guy who can live in villages and serve.I like to write.I'd like to be an entrepreneur of some sort.Since I'm doing my Computer Science Engineering I'd like to make an impact there as well. I would love my life to be in the company of people who are not afraid to use their brains,who are comfortable with who they are,who do not tread the trodden path,"who go instead  where there is no path and leave behind a trail" . I would not want even an ounce of my potential to be unrealised. It must be said that "All he ever could be, he was"[my quote].

What it all came together like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle,everything integrating to one glorious whole.A mixture of inspiration,passion,the right company,creativity,logic and independence.What if dreams were for real?

Reality

Am I getting illusions of grandeur? Delusions of self importance? Face the facts old man. You are redundant in today's world . Sure,you were a mover and shaker in your prime, the world paid rapt attention to your every word,limelight hogged your every move.

Heads of government ate out of your hands. But now the mantle has passed. The legacy remains, not the power. It is the legend they pay respect to, it is but a show. You are but a figure head, the face of the cause, a cause which has surged ahead, leaving you behind, impotent vulnerable.


The strings have slipped from your hands, the puppets now dance to their own fiddle. What you have is, at the most, a respect for what was not for what is. Face up old man.Your values are outmoded;dead values. You are dead to them;like a Che in contemporary culture.

It's over.

On Fast Forward

I want life to be a blur of activity;one event followed by another,in such a way that I'm totally occupied.In other words life in Realtime.


And if Time ever slows down,when seconds seem like minutes and moments tend to eternity,I'd like it to be with close friends and family around . It has been that way so far since Amrita happened to me[:D],life revolving around fulcrums of college,cqc,movies ,music and badminton.

I'm content with this state of affairs,so much so ,that I'd like like to continue at this hectic pace.I do not want time to slow down when all alone,to be trapped within the confines of my own head.I do know ,that this cant go on forever, that sooner or later, I would find myself in the vacuum I so desperately wish to avoid.

Some people say that if you have a spotless mind you will be at peace with yourself.Wonder what guilt lies embedded in me.I guess I must devise ways to entertain myself;to find my ruling passion;above all to love my own company.After all its the only one that stays.

Looking for :The Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

THE SPEECH THAT NEVER WAS

First, the background story. In 11th grade, I saw a truly awful Republic Day speech being rehearsed. The same speech which has been used for seven odd years and,I suspect,will be used for seven more ,was dusted off the rack and touched up in a  bad way. Since I could not take it, I wrote an alternate speech and presented it to my English mam.It was not accepted  because it was deemed "too harsh".Here is the speech.

"Fellow countrymen ,it gives me great pleasure to address you on the 21,152nd day of our Republic. The presence of this august gathering, comprising of our Principal,our Vice principal ,staff and the torchbearers our  generation gives me added pleasure and joy.

Each year,it is a tradition to speak of our past glory,the gallant exploits of our freedom fighters and our country as a developing nation. How long are we to rest on our past laurels, content with the tag"developing nation"? The previous two generations have distinguished themselves by  freeing us from the shackles of oppression and  putting us on the path of socio-economic development. If  we rest on their laurels and fail to act, we will be remembered as the first generation,  post independence , to have not been of service to the nation.

As John F Kennedy, former president of The United States of America , once said "Ask not what your country can do for you.Ask instead,what you can do for your country." We have the bane of indifference. How does this bother me?" is the  first question asked . This must change. The  poison of pessimism coursing  through  our veins must be replaced with life giving Hope.

There is only so much a government can do in a democratic country. It can implement reforms, make broad changes. It is up to us to be discerning and dynamic.

Technology is the pride of our nation. This has to reach everyone in every part of the country. Village knowledge centers must be set up in every village in India. A large number of companies  have come forward to  back this ambitious venture. The Tatas ,proud owners of Corus  and the inventors of the nano, RIl , Microsoft and many more  have pledged their support.

May more things have to be done. Merely saying that one person cant change anything is  pure escapism. "The history of the world is the history of a few men who dared to have faith in themselves" said Swami Vivekananda. Those who examine history will find this to be true.

It was one man who inspired the non-violence movement; it was one man who founded the Indian National Army; it was one man who went to the west and proclaimed the glory of Vedanta;it was one man who founded our glorious institution which now has 125 centres around the world.

Let us have the courage to follow our dreams. Let us dare to hope. Most of all ,let us be proud of  our Motherland  and endeavour to be worthy of being an Indian.let us have a happy Republic Day.Thank you."

mera quiz

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SAGA part 1

I was evolving on a personal ,musical and spiritual level.My comprehension increased and I could see much more than what was apparent.I would sometimes get glimpses of the thought process of people when they spoke.I could often read expressions and sense emotions around me.

Instead of seeing reality as a fixed plane in which you exist and live confined to laws,i found that if you grasped its true nature, you could indeed influence it, change it ,modify it,evolve it.I did not see what is;I saw what could be.And by by seeing what could be,I was able to actualise it, make it happen,just as the actions of the giants in the past has shaped the reality we dwell in.

I could hope,I could imagine ,I could envision ;I saw that nothing was beyond me ,nothing was outside me;Everything was within  me ,everything was me.Everything was one grand unity which wore a plethora of masks  and costumes and believed  the illusion it had cast .With the power of my Will ,I could make men my pawns.

On this plane ,I found those who were not afraid to Think,to Do.They did not bend to societal pressure.They too saw society for what it was: a herd of humans  who do nothing but tread the trodden path ,even if the path was made  by mistake.Confident only in the security of knowing  that the person next to him is doing the same,the herd is content to meander.Its actions are dictated by influences which give it the comforting feel of the familiar,the illusion of safety.

To the Master who realises this Truth ,society becomes his tool.It is an obedient  slave which does all it is commanded to do ,as long as  the Master keeps feeding it the comforting  illusion of safety .The Will  must be stronger than the swirling directionless energy of the herd; stronger than other influences that act on society.The leader's power of motivation must be stronger than the lethargy and indifference of the herd.In short He  must be the Force dictating the movements.If so an entire generation  lends itself to His Will.

In  the Beginning was Thought.The Cosmos is the manifestation of  Thought.Time bends Space and Space bends Time .Will bends both Space and Time.

MY PERSPECTIVE

I have the terrible malady of speaking my mind. I believe that ,however hard reality is ,you must face up to it. I believe that ,no matter what, you must never shy away from thinking. And I believe that ,as I believe in these things, most people just switch off their minds ,cause what I say makes sense and they don't want to face up to reality.
Their reason for doing so: "you think too much". I say “do you think it makes a difference whether you choose to see or not to see? can you remove the sun by just shutting your eyes? “.Or maybe reality is what you perceive it to be and most are quite happy with a candy floss reality where things are supposed to be rosy and bright and when sorrow comes you don’t even face up to it .Result: depression without knowing why. "Oh but the whole world is doing it”.” So you do it too even without using your head?. It is about using your head anyway.
When I was traveling in a bus, due to my extra long frame ,I was cramped for space. My mind goes like "every person above average in any way has to pay. Be it seats cramping you or taxes when rich or curfews when popular. The other side is, life gives these burdens only to people who have the courage to carry them, who achieve their goal and take the whole world along if needed.

That is how the world moves forward, because we stand on the shoulders of giants. Only that we try to stone them to our size. The burden you have is proportional to your ability. A Washington had the ability to bear the burden of building a nation .Some others can provide employment to few tens of people ,others can sustain their families and so on. So specific work, specific skills. specific level of endurance and character specific responsibility. Next time you shoulder responsibility remember it is given to you because you have the strength to bear it. Lend your shoulder.Be a man.

IF TOMORROW COMES

this one is more in the line of a metal ballad.just experimenting.telll me how bad or good this one is
IF TOMORROW COMES
what will you do
when tomorrow comes
make it worth your while
or let it fly

what will you do?
when reality stares at you
do you hold the stare
or pretend not to care

what will you do
when you are pushed to the edge
will you tremble on looking down
or fight for lost ground

what will you do
when the spotlights on you
run the bloody show
or just ring hollow

the choice is truth or lies
i can see it in your eyes

dont succumb!
to evasion
intimidation
aversion
imitation

the choice:plain and simple
truth or lies
i know your answer now
the light dies in your your eyes

i have come too late
you are one of them now