A Reader's Apology

Books have been my window to the world. They have helped me learn a language well,taught me about places,customs,cultures and peoples. More importantly,they shaped my ideals and convictions. What follows is my ode to some books that have profoundly influenced me.In no particular order.

Fountainhead, which taught me that the highest morality is to live by your convictions and sacrificing that is compromising your integrity.

"Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision."

"I could die for you but dont ask me to live for you" 

Catcher in the Rye for the portrayal of a frustrated individual. For showing me Salinger .

To kill a Mockingbird for reminding me of the simple pleasures of life. For telling me why we must stand by our convictions. As Atticus puts it " I must live with myself before I live with others".

1984 which painted a stark picture of what governments could mutate into if we are not vigilant enough.About how freedom is worth more than anything else. For painting a harrowing dystopia.

A brave New World which portays an utopia where there is no suffering, no guilt and where you live a life which you were literally created to do.It made me think if its worth compromising passion,emotions and freedom for pleasure and security. 

Dreams from my father for its honesty. For giving me an insight into the issue of racism and for making me ponder on the issues of origin and identity.

Lolita for the beauty of prose. For shwoing that a man cant help his sexual preferences and for showing how manipulative the "victim", at times, could be. it taught me to look at everything without prejudice.

O Jerusalem for teaching me empathy. Showing me how the will of a few men can shape a nation. 

Freedom at Midnight.for telling me more about my country, showing the Mahatma in his glory.  Making me love my country even more.

Selections from the Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda for the sheer inspiration it has provided me every time I turn to it . Showing the greatness of our land and the grand ideals which were conceived by our forefathers. For showing me that being spiritual does not mean compromising on logic or blindly adhering to tradition. Showing me to what lofty heights man's mind can soar. For Showing me The Man Himself. Of everything I have read so far, none can match this for sheer impact.

"Strength is life, weakness is death. Strength is felicity, life eternal, immortal. Weakness is constant strain and misery; weakness is death."

Lord of the Rings for the sheer wonder. If a man could conjure a whole world including peoples,histories and languages, there is no end to human creativity. 

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time for presenting a haroowing descent into madness and illustrating how simple it is to being the descent. Madness is just another way of thinking.

Neti Neti for the ethereal writing style. For the title. For portraying emptiness .

The Hannibal series for showing me that contradictions exist everywhere. That what we call madness is just another way of thinking. For the horror, intrigue and beauty(Yes Hannibal Rising).

The Harry Potter series for the countless hours of joy. For the magic in Rowling's prose. For all the madness, obsession and fun. For the 20 re reads of The Order of the Phoenix.

Sons of Fortune for being the first proper novel I read. For being unputdownable. Not a penny More Not a Penny Less for delight. Jeffery Archer for making me become even more interested in reading.

Jurrasic Park series for redefining edge the seat thriller. Never has a book scared me more. Michael Chrichton for kindling interest in technology. 

The Godfather for being a classic. For Vito Corleone. For the Mob. For Puzo. For " Ill make him an offer he cant refuse".

Shalmar the Clown for the magic. For the beauty of Prose. For the beautiful portrayal of Kashmir. Enchantress of Florence for the magic again. Rushdie never ceases to amaze. 

And more,many more, many many more.

Im pretty sure I have missed out a lot of books. And Im also sure that this post is long enough not to miss them :D 

A Few Good Men

Inspired by today's Hindu(Page five I guess)

Meet Mr Palpandi. A waiter at Alankar. You wouldn't care to give him a second glance. But he has been serving the city for 25 years and the Police plan to  to honour him. What has he done? Nothing mind blowing. He just happens to wear a khaki uniform and regulate traffic at Nanjappa Road junction whenever he is not on duty. On usual days, you can see him for about three hours in the afternoon and for three more in the evening.His reason:Soul Satisfaction, as he puts it.

This is dad's experience :

About a month ago, there was a traffic jam in Avinashi Road.Just when dad had turned off the engine and resigned himself to a  long wait, he saw the trafffic being cleared. Eager to see who it was who was doing this, he stepped out. A bunch of auto drivers from the nearest Auto stand had taken it upon themselves to clear the mess. Dad was impressed, told them as much and asked them why they were doing it. " Summa irukkara timela ethavathu help panlam la" one of them said.And apparently, this was not the first time they had done this.

This little city has such men of character.

Oskar Schindler

Schindler: I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don't know. If I'd just … I could have got more.

Stern: Oskar, there are eleven hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them

Schindler: If I'd made more money … I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I'd just …

Stern: There will be generations because of what you did.

Schindler: I didn't do enough!

Stern: You did so much.[Schindler looks at his car]

Schindler: This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people.[Removing Nazi pin from lapel]

Schindler: This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. I could have gotten one more person … and I didn't! And I … I didn't!

What a man. What a movie.

What are we really after?

The three meal eater with no appetite
The child who starving twice each day

The agnostic pretending to believe
The bloody, ignorant fanatic

The uncaring indifferent sweetheart
The introvert forced to socialise

The teetotaller who yearns to get high
The alcoholic thinking it will work out

The fitness freak hoping to prolong life
The mystic who hopes for afterlife

The nine-to-fiver in it for the dough
The coding freak, computer addict

The family man desperate for a divorce
The woman who stays on for the kids

The kid who wants to grow up
The midlifer who yearns to be young again

Contradictions, pretensions, delusions
What are we really after?
What makes a content life?

Suicidal Tendencies?

Warning: Not reader friendly.

You’ve decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine—but before you kill yourself consider these facts: Suicide is not usually successful. You think you know a guaranteed way? Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But, both his arms are gone. What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent , with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he’s brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It’s a hard way to go. What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his “foolproof” suicide. You might too. But…Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job- -but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you’ve drowned? Your father? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? The carefully worded “loving” suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They’ll feel regret and an unending pain. Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now. You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.They will tell you that there’s hope. Maybe you’ll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you’re seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.You say you don’t want to be stopped? Still want to do it?Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later.And we’ll work with whatever you have left.

Of Intentions and Gifting

To get above it all
To where money reduces to mere numbers
And it is not monetary value
Or desire for approval
Or fear of ridicule
But the intention that counts
When you gift and recieve

Wilde

When I Googled Oscar Wilde by some random impulse, I found this:

"Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!"

And this:

"All trials are trials for one's life, just as all sentences are sentences of death; and three times have I been tried. The first time I left the box to be arrested, the second time to be led back to the house of detention, the third time to pass into a prison for two years. Society, as we have constituted it, will have no place for me, has none to offer; but Nature, whose sweet rains fall on unjust and just alike, will have clefts in the rocks where I may hide, and secret valleys in whose silence I may weep undisturbed. She will hang the night with stars so that I may walk abroad in the darkness without stumbling, and send the wind over my footprints so that none may track me to my hurt: she will cleanse me in great waters, and with bitter herbs make me whole."--"De Profundis"

........no words for it.

For I Am

Warning : May not be very reader friendly. But then again, my stuff never has been.

As usual, I've took a hiatus from posting. This was one of those times when nothing goes your way. In short, you get screwed by life.College messed me up, had a conflict with mom and dad, friends suspected me, Badminton Racquet got smashed, Ipod crashed, Phone got confiscated by college , My gym membership was stopped by mom and dad .My head started asking questions it had no business asking " Why am I doing CSE Engineering?", "Why engineering", "Is it too late to swap?"  etc. I realised how arrogant I sounded in my writing. Truckloads of shit happened. As usual, reading Vivekananda, Swami, and my cousin kept me sane.

These were things I defined myself by. When all these were gone, I realised, that I still am. That I am more than a combination of my interests and relationships. I am more . I just am.

The point is, with these things happening posting was the last thought on my head. And my writing tool happens to be my Mobile phone. With that gone, I feel like a cripple. I had 10 pieces written in it. Damn.

Anyway, things are starting to look up now.Almost all issues I had with people around me are resolved.Gonna get a mobile today. Finally.Did pretty well in recent quizzes. And looking forward to a lot more.

Have a lot of books piled up on my shelf.

1) Dr Zhivago

2) Catcher in the Rye

3) Parthiban's Dream

4) Sophie's world.

5) The Prize

6)A spot of bother

7) The Journey of a master 

Aand so many more. Too lazy to type. Movies too.

Anyway I almost normal now. I guess I'll start posting more frequently. My cousin, a sound engineer cum composer, has recorded a few of my poems .Will put them up soon.

"Life goes on.I'll sleep when I die.Bring it on."

Carpe Diem

Laugh all you want. I am gonna take a resolution. One resolution. No, its not "Im gonna be good to mommy this year" or "Im gonna work out this year". Its something much simpler, something more.Two words. Latin. You know it .Carpe Diem. Yeah CARPE DIEM BABY!

A sudden connection over facebook, a sudden high, a new zeal for life. Poetry to usher in the year.

Carpe Diem

Inching closer to a new beginning,
A new dawn,
Feel the change
Palpable in the air.

High hopes,aims, dreams and aspirations,
Of promises kept and words broken,
Success and yet failure too

Every moment,every breath drawn
Carpe Diem pounding true.

Carpe Diem.Latin
"seize the day"
Take it by the throat
Capture it
Make it yours

Squeeze what what you can
Demand and get what you want
Go for it!

Yes CARPE DIEM!
For the whole damn year!
No matter who, what, when or why.

Life king size
For what you hold true
Life the way life
One given to few

You exist for yourself
You are your own proof
You are the witness to you life
The judge,jury and Holder of the Scale

Go sqeeze and suck each day
Wear out your shoes
Tread new paths
Do something, anything
Be true to you.

Yes.I mean it. Anyone sees me backing out on it, kick me in the butt and remind me.

Marching through life

Marching through life
At every step of the way
Each and every day
I light a candle
To light the way

So looking behind
The past is seen
And looking ahead
Hope gleams

Marching resolutely onward
Knowing not when the path ends
Still trudging still moving forward
Till death for me sends

Reality

Am I getting illusions of grandeur? Delusions of self importance? Face the facts old man. You are redundant in today's world . Sure,you were a mover and shaker in your prime, the world paid rapt attention to your every word,limelight hogged your every move.

Heads of government ate out of your hands. But now the mantle has passed. The legacy remains, not the power. It is the legend they pay respect to, it is but a show. You are but a figure head, the face of the cause, a cause which has surged ahead, leaving you behind, impotent vulnerable.


The strings have slipped from your hands, the puppets now dance to their own fiddle. What you have is, at the most, a respect for what was not for what is. Face up old man.Your values are outmoded;dead values. You are dead to them;like a Che in contemporary culture.

It's over.

MY PERSPECTIVE

I have the terrible malady of speaking my mind. I believe that ,however hard reality is ,you must face up to it. I believe that ,no matter what, you must never shy away from thinking. And I believe that ,as I believe in these things, most people just switch off their minds ,cause what I say makes sense and they don't want to face up to reality.
Their reason for doing so: "you think too much". I say “do you think it makes a difference whether you choose to see or not to see? can you remove the sun by just shutting your eyes? “.Or maybe reality is what you perceive it to be and most are quite happy with a candy floss reality where things are supposed to be rosy and bright and when sorrow comes you don’t even face up to it .Result: depression without knowing why. "Oh but the whole world is doing it”.” So you do it too even without using your head?. It is about using your head anyway.
When I was traveling in a bus, due to my extra long frame ,I was cramped for space. My mind goes like "every person above average in any way has to pay. Be it seats cramping you or taxes when rich or curfews when popular. The other side is, life gives these burdens only to people who have the courage to carry them, who achieve their goal and take the whole world along if needed.

That is how the world moves forward, because we stand on the shoulders of giants. Only that we try to stone them to our size. The burden you have is proportional to your ability. A Washington had the ability to bear the burden of building a nation .Some others can provide employment to few tens of people ,others can sustain their families and so on. So specific work, specific skills. specific level of endurance and character specific responsibility. Next time you shoulder responsibility remember it is given to you because you have the strength to bear it. Lend your shoulder.Be a man.

money ,money money

You buy a Porsche. You go to the skies thinking its the most awesome thing in the world and you just love it.The question is" why?". You may think im a fool to actually doubt why people like a Porsche .The vehicle has quality and it gives you value.But my question is "is it only the value the vehicle gives that makes you so happy?".Would you accord the same value to a different car ,which has equivalently good looks , performance and comes cheaper, sans the brand??
I dont think so.It is not only the quality of the thing you buy that gives you satisfation.It is also the brand which matters even though you may have to shell out more it.One of the reasons is what it conveys .The attitude it projects.My point is ,in any product ,it is not only the real value that matters .The value which you and the society attach to it matters a lot, much more than the real value at times.
Why attach so much value to objects you buy?.Are the objects valuable only because they are expensive??

I dont think so .The reason you" percieve " value in an object is because it is a symbol or greater things.It is the symbol of your effort .The effort you put in to gain something; effort which can be exchanged the fruit of another man's equal effort.Your money has value only beacause it is a symbol of your effort and skill.It is a measure of you if u want to use that scale to measure yourself .The effort u put in gives the satisfaction during its realisation .
so my point is
the reason we get satisfaction when we buy objects are
1)the product by itself
2) your effort and skill which went in to obtain it
So the people who get the most of buying a thing are those who can lay claim to both these.in other words those who earn it and then buy it.Those who dont earn their cash just get half the satisfaction.Why take half instead of one?
So which one is it ?? A fantasy billon dollarempire as inheritance or being the one who actualy establishes the empire.
in a simpler way half or one?

p.s please tell me if im boring you